the mesh congress - Nightmare Fuel Magazine by Garth Jones

The Istvans decided Br’aydin needed a competitive advantage. 

The kid was precisely 27 months old – three into daycare – when Xavier and Xanthe, co-founders of wellness app MeHub, clocked a targeted C2A.

Unbeknownst to them, it had a target demo of precisely two.

It was direct:

MAKE HIM THE FUTURE

Underneath was an animation of a child that passingly resembled Br’aydin. A halo of virtual blocks, depicting a complex chunk of quantum mechanics, floated in front of the avatar’s gawp.

Copy spoke of exclusivity, advantage, price points and reality-altering tech.

The angst of spawning a sub-optimal unit in an overcrowded market was too much for the Istvans.

Xavier stroked, summoning the wide face of Bezst Epstos, disgraced quadrilpreneur. 

This was no hard sell – the Istvans were zealots.

“Ah, Xanthe! Xavier! Br’aydin! I’m grateful you could give us the time. We imagine you’re desperate, given recent… events.”

Events?” Xavier ventured.

Epstos’ mods cycled, sensors pools of spawning nanites:  “Well, you know, the little fellow’s… mishap.”

Xanthe sucked air through her custom veneers.
“How would you – ”

The ruthless hyper-capitalist tapped the mod embedded in their left temple.

“It’s our job to know! Horribly embarrassing. Now, if we may be so bold, we have an offer.”

The couple’s silence: acquiescence.

“When you are both old, and Br’aydin is middle-aged and wildly successful, you will speak of the choice you make today. We are our choices, and we are offering a spectacular narrative – the chance to author a life beyond even your expectations for young Br’aydin.”

“Anything,” Xavier murmured.

“We admire your enthusiasm, Mr Istvan. Nonetheless, the lawyers insist that we are utterly transparent in the tendering of this opportunity. Without further ado, we are pleased to offer you the exclusive honour of inducting Br’aydin into the founding cohort of The Mesh Congress. What’s that? We’re glad you asked – we’ve been practising this sermon for cycles. Simply put, the Congress is the advantage Br’aydin demands in the savage vocational wilds of the AI insurgency. Heard of BMIs? Brain Machine Interfaces. Our Mesh technology is eco-friendly and, in your case, installed at no-cost-to-you-at-all via a simple procedure. Young Br’aydin’s performance capacity will be enhanced by a factor of… a lot. We’ve pulled some strings. Clearances will be given, assuming you’re interested in activation.”

With zero deliberation, the Istvans cancelled Br’aydin’s daycare, upgraded the family genome and transferred travel exemptions.

Applications were approved and immediately coordinates for safe passage through the firewall, bypassing the refugee cannons, were priority patched.

The Istvans were en route to Epstos’ legendary Caminus Spa, deep beneath eGress’ Te Waipounamu, within thirty minutes of first contact.

Br’aydin Istvan was about to become the future.

“Meet Bezst Epstos!” a drone intoned, and the Istvans did.

Epstos owned most of the southern hemisphere, having made trillions in slave-bots. They greeted the family:

“Grandma once said: ‘Bezst, you’re so smart. You had to have made some tricky –’”

The Istvans gawked.

“– we do apologise! Wrong thread! You’re here about young Br’aydin!”

Epstos gathered themselves:

“The Mesh Congress! Indeed. Did we tell you we saved Capitalism? You’re aware of transhumanism, of course? Indeed you are. You’re in the presence of us. We apologise. Now, with neural prosthetics and upgraded bodies, I see the future may be full of capitalistic enterprise, fuelled by technologies that allow us to more closely resemble the machines –”

Xanthe stared Epstos down.

“Let’s upgrade the fucken kid, eh?”

So Br’aydin got upgraded.

With a wet kiss, the toddler’s scalp was peeled. A nanobot bore down with its microscopic drill-bit, chewing fresh skull, and planted an electrode directly into soft brain meat.

Axons, dendrites and synapses were cleaved, embedding Epstos’ Mesh in the fertile folds of a nascent human processor. Read-and-write functions unfurled, overclocking Br’aydin. He was a hardy kid, handling neural violence well.

His brain healed quickly, reorganising itself around the Mesh, assimilating it.Br’aydin fucking owned daycare.

The Istvans were redeemed.

And then the implant shat itself.

home brewed capsule review – kirsty allison (psychomachia) by Garth Jones

Via Insta:

@passtheamyl drops the third Home-Brewed Vampire Bullets - they’re skinny and make for a wild night out⚡️🤘✍️ I’ve been waiting for the time to read and relish this for a while, and it’s an honour to make the blurb on this collage of sleaze rock extremes. The layout throwsback to Apple Mac 90s refs - cut between metal fonts - and it’s fun. I love the lurid language that Garth Jones is developing - it’s sinful, sublime and hilariously filthy and wrong on so many levels - every sentence drips with dogged-heart outback depravity. He is doing the finest job in preserving the impeccably vile vernacular of tattooed meathead rock n roll lows, channelling all our Gonzo faves.”

Nightmare Fuel magazine interview by Garth Jones

Garth Jones first caught our attention when a story he wrote about Santa being brutally tortured landed in our inbox at Nightmare Fuel. 666-odd words later and we were hooked; written with a kind of perverse glee and pace that matched the heartbeat of its victim, it was one of the standout stories from our Violent Night collection in 2022.

Growing up in Broken Hill but now based in Meanjin (Brisbane), Jones may be Australia’s answer to Hunter S. Thompson, if Hunter actually knuckled down and got serious about drugs, drink and depravity. 

An ‘occult rock ‘n roll black comedy that cruises outback highways, dive pub toilets and the scabby upper echelons of society in the Republic of Australia’, Jones’ most recent work Home Brewed, Vampire Bullets Vol. 2 is a 116-page meticulous lesson in the art of wordplay. It’s slick, switchblade sharp and smutty enough to make you blush – and just when society thinks they have a moment to unclench their pearls, he goes and tells us he’s about to unleash Volume 3.

We had a chat with Jones to find out more about Home Brewed, Vampire Bullets series and his quest to spread the mongrel punk gospel…

Read the full interview here.